Oh Jackie Boy!

I'm not sure if any of you heard the deal about Jack White and Coca Cola. Basically, Coke was looking to recreate the success of that catchy '71 single of theirs "I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke". You remember that? It was quite the famous commercial. Yeah, neither did I until I Googled it. Anywho, they approached Jack White to write a song for them. Jack White, being the proprietor of brand-free music and dignity that he is he declined to do it, said fuck you and punched them in the face.

Wait, what's that? He fucking accepted? Oh. What a dickbag!

In his defense Jack replied "I've been offered the opportunity to write a song in a way which interests me as a songwriter. I wouldn't want a song that I'd already written to be used... That seems strange... to be asked to write something particular along one theme of love in a worldwide form that I'm not really used to appealed to me. I've written a song and I wrote it really quickly and it's an interesting commercial that's been made. I was inspired by the commercial."

Man, what the fuck ever. It "interests you as a songwriter". You were "inspired by the commercial". Oh and of course you have to mention how quickly you wrote the song, because as we all know you are just so talented you can produce albums in 1-2 weeks. Fuck you!

Here are his inspired words of prose that he wrote in like five minutes:

One thing you'll learn you can bet
Is that love is as good as it gets
And you'll get more if you give it
It's the right thing to do, and you know it
It's inside of you, so just show it
Love is the truth (ba ba ba ba ba)
It's the right thing to do
In the arms of a mother and father
In the eyes of a son and a daughter
It's everywhere, you just have to care
It's the right thing to do, and you know it
It's inside of you, so just show it
Love is the truth (ba ba ba ba ba)
It's the right thing to do

And if you are unable to read all those confusing words(in which case you aren't reading this post in the first place you lazy shit) here is the video of the commercial:



There are just no words that can be used to describe the radness and exquisiteness of this commercial for Coca Cola! Just pure genius! And it only took him twenty seconds to write it!

Now, I'm not fucking stupid. There's nothing wrong with making some bling by writing a song for some big name company. You need money to continue making music, especially if you want to have full control over it. I like The White Stripes, I really do. I own three of their albums blah blah blah. When you're as pretentious and artsy as Jackie Boy is though, it really makes it hard for me to not say fuck you. Between punching people in the face, to cursing radio stations, to bitching about critics in the vein of a twelve-year-old on his blog and now this shit... you used to be a loveable creep but now you're just kind of a hypocritical dick. What do I know about this subject matter though, right? I mean this is my first post on my brand new blog and I'm only 21. I probably don't know jack shit(get it)! I'm just one of those "cowards" using "the faceless opinion of print and the internet" to convey my thoughts.

At least, that's what I'd like to think he'd say in his blog post after he read this.