These four young chaps are members of Britain's new craze breakout smash hit band Arctic Monkeys. You might have heard of them. From left to right we have Jamie Cook on guitar, Matt Helders on drums, Alex Turner on guitar/vocals and Andy Nicholson on bass. They are sort of an amalgamation of Britain's current "it" bands, but instead of singing about politics or using tounge-in-cheek jabs and puns they sing about booze and sex and being... famous? Wait, this is their first album right? Yeah, can you say pretentious much?
Anywho, these guys formed in 2002 and started practicing in their garage or whatever. Through pure clever word of mouth though they have exploded in popularity. By June '05 they were selling out shows and had a number one single. Early in '06(I can't be bothered to look up exactly when) they released their first album "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not" which, of course, went straight to number one. I have to admit, pretty impressive.
So why do I hate Arctic Monkeys? It's simple really. They are not good musicians! They have no talent or creativity; they are average at best. Yet this shitty band that I would expect to see playing in some skeevy dive in Jersey are in actuality triple platinum sensations. Some critics even have had the gall to call them the next Oasis. One even went so far as to say, and I quote, "the biggest band since The Beatles". The Beatles. Excuse me but are you out of your fucking mind?! To compare Arctic Monkeys to The Beatles is the equivalent of comparing Ashlee Simpson to let's say, Albert Einstein. Yeah, one is kind of okay to appreciate(secretly... from afar) but the other has made a mark on history. If you think fucking Arctic Monkeys are going to make an impact on all music hereafter you are absolutely delusional. Example: here are the lyrics to the song "The View From The Afternoon" off of Arctic Monkeys' first album:
Anticipation has a habit to set you up
For disappointment in evening entertainment but
Tonight there'll be some love
Tonight there'll be a ruckus yeah
Regardless of what's gone before
I want to see all of the things that we've already seen
Lairy girls hung out the window of a limousine
Of course it's fancy dress
And they're all looking quite full on in bunny ears and devil horns and hats
Anticipation has a habit to set you up
For disappointment in evening entertainment but
Tonight there'll be some love
Tonight there'll be a ruckus yeah
Regardless of what's gone before
I want to see all of the things that we've already seen
I want to see you take the jackpot out the fruit machine
And put it all back in
You've got to understand that you can never beat the bandit no
And she won't be surprised, no she won't be shocked
When she's pressed the star after she's pressed unlock
And there's verse and chapter sat in her inbox
And all that it says is that you've drank a lot
There's more, but it's basically the shame shit over and over. And if that's not bad enough, the song sounds like... shitty ska mixed with The Red Hot Chili Peppers with a dash of Bloc Party on top. Pretty much some sloppy power chords, a boring bass line and some drums. Man oh man, I remember when I first heard this ten years ago. There is one song I actually enjoy somewhat called "I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor" but the rest of the album is so atrocious it doesn't matter. Do yourself a favor and listen to one of the better Brit bands, like The Futureheads. Hell, even Bloc Party is better than this bollocksy shite.
But hey, what do I know? They've got to be popular for a reason!